101 Ways to Considerably Shorten your Life
by anmorata
Summary: How to make voldemort mad.
1. Scarhead

101 Ways to Considerably Shorten your Life

Disclaimer : Dont own a thing, Mm'kay.

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Voldemort was furious - he had just failed to murder that awful Harry Potter for the sixth time this week. He could not this anymore. He was mad beyond mad. And it showed. Eggs couldn't be fried on his forehead anymore, as they would evaporate too quickly. 

Everybody was afraid to go near him, except one little brave boy, with a strange request.

The little boy, hoping to get his request, put on his cutest puppy-dog eyes, approached the Dark Lord quietly, and said in a quivering voice, 'Mr. Voldemort, could you please give me a scar? One like Harry Potter's? I want to be famous!' 


	2. Chess

AN : Dont own anyththing.

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Ron Weasley was good at chess. This was obviuos, as in a 300 person chess tournament, he had not lost once, and he was playing 3 days, only stopping to perform nessesary boldily functions. This opponent was no different. Well, apart from the fact that he was a mass murderer, and Ron dispised this certain opponent more than anything else. Except maybe spiders. Ron was winning, of course. His opponent's king was surrounded, and it seems that his opponent had not noticed.

'Checkmate,' said Ron, proudly. His opponent was not happy.

'Nobody checkmates me,' said his opponent, as if it was a threat. Ron did not see this as a threat, and thus did not run. What a pity. 


	3. World Of Warcraft

101 Ways to Considerably Shorten Your Life

A/N ; OK. This is like the first update in, what, 2 years? Yeah. Wow.

As per usual, the characters don't belong to me.

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Lord Voldemort had recently discovered the most amazing weapon of doom that he would use to terrorize the muggles. That weapon was called World of Warcraft.

"Milord, I still fail to understand how using this muggle ..thing will help us with our super evil mass muggle genocide plans," said a Death Eater.

Lord Voldemort hit pause, turned around and sighed. "I've explained this to you many many times, Bella. When I reach level 70, I will bewitch my character to become real. It'll do the dirty work for me.'

"You're getting lazy, sir. Why can't we just Avada Kedavra them?," she replied.

"You know, Bella, I liked you a lot better when you didn't ask this many questions." Voldemort spun in his spinny chair, faced the computer again and hit play

"You mean you liked her better before she stopped blowing you?" whispered one Death Eater to another. But Voldemort was too busy playing his silly muggle game to hear that. He was too close to level 70 to care about anything else. That is, until he spotted a user called Wormtail. Voldemort was shocked, to say the least. So shocked, that his jaw dropped on the ground and he had to pick it up.

While Voldemort was busy picking up his mandible from the dirty floor, the user called Wormtail used that moment to kill Voldemort's character. Months of hard work gone to waste, all thanks to Wormtail. Unfortunatly for the real Wormtail, Lord Voldemort doesn't tolerate people interfering with his plans. 


	4. Nagini

101 Ways to Considerably Shorten Your Life

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Lord Voldemort was very upset that his World of Warcraft related plans were ruined, so he spent most of his time locked up in his room. Nobody really knew what he was doing. But he didn't have very many visitors so that was expected.

While preforming his mysterious task, Voldemort heard a knock on his door.

"Come in," he sighed. Inside came a proud looking Death Eater. "What?"

"I got what you wanted, milord," he said boastfully.

Confused, Voldemort questioned him.

The Death Eater produced a plate, that had Nagini's head on it. "My soul," thought Voldemort, "He killed it! How DARE HE?"

Seeing his master was enraged, the Death Eater explained, "You said you wanted a snake's head on a plate. So that's what I brought you!"

"What did I tell you about getting your hearing checked? I said 'Snape's head on a plate!!!' That's twice you failed to follow direct orders." 


End file.
